Welcome – please take off your shoes – sit for a moment

So…hello. Introductions are awkward. Should we shake hands? Should we go in for a one-quarter bro hug? How about a high five? Too soon for that? The Romans would grab each other’s wrists and shake. The custom in China is to shake hands softly, but don’t look your counterpart directly in the eyes. Don’t even think about it.

It’s settled then: I will grab your wrist and shake it. Perfect. Do you do forearm curls? Me too!

Whew, I am glad that is out of the way. Ice broken. Onward.

I like to write. I have since I was wee tyke. Unfortunately, I have never taken the time to develop the craft. That’s not to say I don’t write. I do. In fact, I write almost everyday…professionally…as an attorney.

While legal writing does not whisk readers into awe-inspiring worlds full of enchanted forests, glittering teenage vampires and so on, I like to think that it keeps my writing tools sharpened and clean. Also, as I sit here, I could easily write 20 pages defining the legal threshold of a serious impairment of an important bodily function, but then you would never come back (would you? I can write that if you want. I’m really a people pleaser. Let’s start with an objective manifestation of an injury…).

Digressions aside, I would like to write a book. An actual book. Words, sentences, commas, periods, more sentences.

Like many people, though, I’ve wanted to do a lot of things in my life. Learn to ride a motorcycle, speak Chinese, run a marathon, start a business to earn passive income, get ripped… I could go on but that seems like enough for now.

I make attempts.

I learned how to ride a motorcycle but never got my driver’s license endorsement. I ran a HALF marathon and I finished it mainly with AARP members (good on them!). I was a fitness junkie for about a year (please direct message me with questions about my personal bests), but alas, I also like foods that will one day kill me. Like pizza. I like it so much. Or pizza rolls, are you kidding me? Don’t tell me what your recommended serving size is! You speak lies!

The point I am making is this: I have a mind which likes to get in and get out. Get after a goal, reach some early milestone or obstacle, then move on to the next object of my obsession. It rounds a person into a jack of all trades master of none type.

And please do not get the wrong impression. There are other aspects of my life that give me great fulfillment such as my family (thanks Alycia for being the only person to read this), and also my career which is very interesting and rewarding in its own unique way.

So, here I am. I, like roughly 40,000,000 before me, have thought it productive to start a blog (typing the phrase “start a blog” was quite startling and and deeply painful).

I want to write fiction. In 2017, in the height of my temporary-writing-obsession-phase, I wrote roughly 50 pages of an outline / crap, but the concept for the book is in there. It is there. I like the concept. A few characters are also there as well as isolated story elements, a dozen non-starters and an antagonist. I even have a title. It lacks shape, direction, a sensible plot, but it is there.

In 2017 / 2018, I wrote and wrote and wrote, but got the feeling I was spinning my wheels. Feeling frustrated I decided it would be better to write a short story instead. Get a short story done, bask in the glory of that accomplished, move on to the novel.

Unfortunately, I wrote several thousand words of the short story and realized I had become lost in it. So terribly lost. I understand the mechanics of a good story but it is difficult to string these ideas together. It turns out that writing requires perseverance. And talent. And patience. Also, talent again.

Anyway, I would like to test my mettle. My favorite stories take the reader to the edge of reality and give them a solid hip check into the unknown. If you come on this journey with me, I can be the one to hip check you.

I mean that metaphorically…or physically…I need subscribers. I can do either.

Stay tuned: I will discuss my “book” in its proto-slime form. I will discuss my “short story” in its sad, developmentally stunted form. And, because I need more content, I will also review books that I have read. Regarding the book reviews, these will not be the hyper-intellectual sort of reviews that can be found en masse on Goodreads or even a decent Reddit thread. No, I am not that smart. False modesty aside, I will do my best to ensure the reviews are engaging and thoughtful.

Also, I will talk about my life here and there. I am a person. I have feelings. Thoughts. Captain Crunch versus Cinnamon Toast Crunch: A Critical Analysis of…Crunch. It may get more personal than that. Many layers to this onion brain. At least five. Probably no more than ten.

With that being said, I hope to type at you more. When those thoughts start piling up in my head, that’s when I put Pen to Keyboard.

[cue the outro music – something upbeat – Beyoncé]

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2 thoughts on “Welcome – please take off your shoes – sit for a moment

    • Playing devil’s advocate here, Cinnamon Toast Crunch can get old, whereas Cap’n Crunch can come with Crunchberries or peanut butter ball form. There’s variation.

      That being said, punch for punch, CTC has a better flavor, and the leftover milk is amazing

      Like

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